While living a life of ministry a person is constantly faced with an insurmountable amount of needs that are genuinely worthy of their attention. The question is, how do you decide which ones to attend to at any given time when you know that all of the others will go on neglected for that time? I have lived in many places over the years, and made many dear friends. These relationships need to be invested in like anything else. There are many friends and family in multiple places who are not happy with me right now because I have failed them in different ways. I've heard all kinds of advice on this problem, but the truth is that once you give me another task like "drawing healthy boundaries" I have little hope of accomplishing that goal when I'm already drowning in things to do. I'm trying my best to be a good person, someone who keeps their word, a brother to count on. Seriously, the reality is that it's not good enough. This is my sincere observation- not a complaint. I don't know how I'm going to step it up when I'm already pouring out my whole life all the time.
I recognize that the fault is mine. I can't promise that I'll get better or have something new to offer this time around. I am a person in desperate need for grace as I travel this path. Please everyone forgive me. I can't make it up to any of you, but I am asking for grace.
There is no way that I can give up this lifestyle. Regardless of the trials, God has granted me the truth, I have put all of my eggs in this basket, and I am happy with that decision. I will try my best not to fail, but I will inevitably fail as I stay the course.
Please forgive me for the wrong things I have done.